Home

I’m pretty sure the development meeting went like this

Ben Stiller (BS): Why do people hate me?
Producer/Agent/Manager (PAM): I guess it’s because you come across as deeply uninteresting, Ben
BS: Well, how do I get them to think I’m interesting?
PAM: Ummm, Adam Sandler did it by making Punch Drunk Love
BS: Is that the one where he’s mentally ill and goes to little school?
PAM: Dude, obviously, no
BS: Is it the one where he’s mentally ill and inherits loads of money?
PAM: Yeah, no it’s really not
BS: Is it the one where he’s good at golf?
PAM: No but that one made a lot of people like him more
BS: Is it the one where he’s a dentist and he pretends….
PAM: Seriously, are we going to do this all day?¬†¬†Punch Drunk Love is the weird one, with the muted palette, with the piano? And the phone calls? It’s kind of serious but also a bit abstract and a bit funny.
BS: Well, can I get one of them?
PAM: Are you sure that’s what you want, because you’re doing ok with this whole… (gestures at Ben)… bit
BS: (sticks out bottom lip and crosses arms) I want one with weird and serious things and pallettes and a piano and that. Make that happen or you’re fired (stamps feet which are wearing shoes that fasten with velcro because Ben Stiller is terrified of string – true story)
PAM: Well, Ok I guess, let me see what’s out there
BS: And get that girl that’s in everything to be my love interest
PAM: Who? Jennifer Lawrence?
BS: No, the other one
PAM: What Amy Adams?
BS: No she’ll make my face look huge, the one with the mouth
PAM: Emily Blunt?
BS: No, silly, she died, the other one, who’s in everything, she wants people to find her interesting as well, the one with all the eyes.
PAM: Oh you mean Kristen Wiig?
BS: Yeah she’s out of Flight Of The Conchords, right?
PAM: No, you’re thinking of the other one, wassername
BS: No the eyes one is fine, get her
PAM: Ok, well, are you sure? Because it won’t be funny
BS: I DON’T WANT FUNNY PAM, I WANT THEM TO THINK I’M INTERESTING, MAKE IT HAPPEN OR YOU’RE FIRED
PAM: Ok, Jeez, calm down, here, make this, it’s called The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty, you play Walter
BS: Is Walter interesting?
PAM: Umm, well, he works at Life Magazine so….
BS: Is he interesting?
PAM: He’s nearly as interesting as Adam Sandler in Punch Drunk Love, kinda….
BS: That’ll do. Also, put a shark in it, I heard sharks are in this year
PAM: Ok Ben, whatever you say.
BS: And bangs, I want bangs
PAM: Are you sure? There aren’t any bangs in Punch Drunk Love
BS: I WANT BANGS PAM, PUT THEM IN
PAM: Why don’t you just, like direct it then, if you want sharks and bangs
BS: YAY.

Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s